Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
