oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
