lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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