peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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