I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
