Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
