We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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