does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
