Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
