We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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