my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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