When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
