Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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