Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
