I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
