dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
