I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
