So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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