My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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