LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
