He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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