i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
