just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
