woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
