She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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