She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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