i think my tv is drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
