if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
