k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Of course I have a pirate flag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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