lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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