its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dignity is for republicans.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
