These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
