I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
