I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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