am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
