It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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