Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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