I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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