Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
