Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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