I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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