all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
