you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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