I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
