Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need help removing her.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
