i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
