Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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