fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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