He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
