I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Acid is not a monday night drug
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
