i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
